my body is a failed project

a poem to my ex

sometimes I wake up

thinking you'll be on the side of my bed

sitting in silence on your phone

it used to kill me

but I got comfortable with it

how you'd resent me for the words I'd never say

I miss you

I love you

I'm sorry

it was never my thing

sometimes i'd kiss you

and I'd close my eyes and hoped you'd disappear

that my lips were enough to convince you to leave

but I got comfortable with it

living with hate

mourning in silence

you taught me that

some people think its weird

how I refuse to speak

how a gaze can make me weary

but now I like it

I learned to survive with it

sometimes I remember our calls

how we'd argue and you'd cry

it was easier to yell at you if I didn't have to look at you

because deep down I knew

your promises you'd kiss over the phone would be gone when I hung up

sometimes I remember the night before you left

how you begged me to make you feel good

how we'd last longer if I let you get it over with

I sat on the edge you would sit on

watching you clean up and leave

the silence killed me

the disgust yearning to etch out of my throat in cries only my mother would mourn

but you liked it

so I learned to live with it

when you kissed her

did you make it last

did you hold her just a little while longer when she gave you what you needed

or did the silence kill you

the way it did to me

-Sent from my iPhone