My Abyss

Here it is yet again, the abyss of my own doing.

Inside are all the things I don’t want to see or deal with.

Why am I here again? Why?

This is the last place I want to be.

Faced with the reality of my past,

of all the things I can’t control or let go of.

It haunts me when I’m here,

reminding me why I don’t like this place anymore.

The abyss, a creation all my own

It was once innocent. A place to hide and get away, if only in my head.

But now it’s become bigger than I could’ve imagined.

Filled with the thoughts and emotions I’d rather not deal with

So, I ask, why am I here again?

Logically I know why I'm here … PAIN

It has raised its ugly head and I have only one place to bury it.

Here in the abyss.

But I’m afraid to go in.

What if I don’t make it out this time?

What if everything hidden in this dark place finds me?

What if the doors shut behind me and I am left in here alone?

There’s too much risk, I don’t want to go, please... don’t make me go in…

Why am I here? Why can’t this be fixed? Why can’t it all just disappear?

Why must I confront this space in my life that wants nothing more than to consume me?

I just want to leave

Please! Let me run!

But why am I here? Because I am in pain…

The loss of a dream has brought me here yet again to face this place I call the abyss

A place full of darkness and fear, pain and rejection,

hopelessness and abandonment,

disappointment and rage, animosity and spite, shame and conceit,

and all the other things I’d rather leave unmentioned…

This is the place I go to hide and bury these things.

A perfect place for the pain.

Because here, no one can find me because no one will go with me.

It’s a secret but not hidden. Obvious to all who would look.

This is a place that’s all my own.

Others might appear but only in my memories.

They don’t know this is where they now live…down here in the abyss

But the question still remains, what will happen next?

Do I go inside and hide again or confront my past and all its sins?

Perhaps I cover it up, tell myself it’s all in my head and nothing is real?

Maybe I could just open the door? Let everything out for all to see?

But then where would I be? Stuck with an empty space for all to see?

But why are WE here? Why are YOU with me?

Generally, I’m here alone. What do YOU hope to see?

Is this a game or maybe a trick?

Why are YOU here with ME at MY abyss?