Silent breeze speaks to my fears
Ridicule commuting
Disputing dark forces
In courses subdued with tears
👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻
Combat soldiers armed for truth
Marching for the frontline
Sunshine blurred by monsoons
Of platoons that became mute
👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻
The structure did not survive
The foundation collapsed
Prolapsed substructure fails
On trails we burned alive
👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻
Message found in the horror
Cognizance in a chant
Incant prayers digging out
All doubt melts in the mirror
👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻
Building on a strong bedrock
Standing firm holding on
Gone away quenched the thirst
Vision first a building block
👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻
Took the hand eternity
Wisdom seeks devotion
Motion swirls with yearning
Grateful burning clarity
👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻
Note from RHC: after writing mostly Gloria stories I wanted to write something in depth and symbolic. This is what happened.
The poem is structured with a syllabic meter of 7,6,6,7. I feel that this structure creates a wave of emotion that starts out with a high intensity then dips down to a lower intensity and then resumes the higher intensity. It also creates a march-like rhythm, reinforcing the soldier imagery and giving the poem a ritualistic, chant-like quality.
I also created a braided (cross-weave) rhyme scheme. The last word in each of the first and fourth lines rhyme. The last word of the second line rhymes with the first word in the third line. The last word in the third line rhymes with the second word in the fourth line.
The syllabic discipline (7-6-6-7) and braided rhyme scheme give the poem a hidden architecture, mirroring the theme of collapse and rebuilding.
This poem aligns with Modernist and Symbolist traditions with a contemporary edge. Based on Spiritual warfare and ultimate triumph over darkness.
👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻👐🏻
RHC ❤️
About the Creator
Rick Henry Christopher
Writing fulfills my need for intellectual stimulus, emotional release, and soothing the bruises of the day.
I’m an open book. I’m not afraid to show my face or speak my mind
Visit on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/vocalplusassist
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More stories from Rick Henry Christopher and writers in Poets and other communities.
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Comments (23)
With all the global military conflicts going on, this is truly relevant. Thank you for writing and sharing, Rick!
Wow! This was next level, Rick! Thanks for including the structure you used. -Wisdom seeks devotion Motion swirls with yearning Grateful burning clarity- 😯🤩
Very creative piece Rick! 😊 I read this about a week ago, but again couldn’t log in via facebook and meant to circle back around to to heart it later. Apologies. Hope you are all good. Best wishes for Christmas and the new year.
Well-wrought, Rick! I appreciate the elucidation of the poem in the commentary too!
Rick, this was outstanding. Your words made excellent use of the poetry style, and emotional waves hit hard. Congratulations on making this week's leadership board❣
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Congratulations to making it to the Leaderboard 🥰
Ah, these different forms of poetry are a beautiful headache for me, you have executed a brilliant poem - I wish we no longer needed these poor soldiers lost to trenches and mad men's wars. Profound and well read.
You really took a lot of time, and put in a lot of work on the structure here. It pays off in effect. 👏👏👏
The braided rhyme scheme is subtle but effective, it mirrors the idea of hidden structure beneath apparent chaos.
powerful, rhythmic, and haunting...feels like a march through both shadow and light 👐🏻✨
This piece is truly powerful—I loved following this journey away from the Gloria stories! It reminds me of moving between poetry and fiction myself; sometimes you just need to mix it up to come back refreshed. I deeply appreciate the eerie tension you created with the personification right away, making the silent breeze speak directly to your fears. I particularly marvelled at the metaphor of the "monsoons blurring the sunshine"; it speaks so clearly of despair and loss. And the clever wordplay linking "monsoons" to "platoons" instantly makes me hear and feel the silencing of those soldiers—I could almost see the tears.
Great poem Rick, right up my alley.
This one? Fire. It marches, it whispers, it punches the gut a little, then hands you peace like a warm cup of tea. I vibe with it big time. Great job! ✨
This was a really interesting rhyme you had! You accomplished what you set out for. Very powerful piece! Nice work, Rick!
Each line is powerful in its own right! I love the message of triumph! Well done!
I love the rhythm of this 😀
Very creative. Excellent poetry ! Nicely done . The powerful stansa was the last one 💛🧡🩷❤️
The poem was great as it was and then adding the insights into it was so brilliant.
love the depth and boggled by the complexity, but you made it seamlessly simply to follow! Excellent
It indeed does have a chant like quality! It's so profound and brilliant!
The whole spiritual war is what I perceive to be the next civil war. I love how you embrace how light can conquer the dark
Well done, and many need the prosody lessons