Monotonous

Days go by like an old grey film lifelike but lack lust of signs of life

But weeks and months speed by like a freighter truck on the freeway

Monotonous and dull

When we go on like this I get stuck in my brain

These past ten months I’ve been surviving but now…

I am being.

There is no rhyme or reason just being.

Two months of being stuck and slowly sinking in the sludge that is spring

It has now awakened things that have been searched for but never found

It’s truly funny how-

when what you are searching for comes to you in an almost effortless manner…

It feels almost wrong, now knowing all that I’ve known all along

I was never ready to find this thing that I was looking for in foreign places.

Maybe that is why I turned it down.

Because I felt that awful feeling the one that leads me down this road, to begin with

It’s odd when you find it such commonplace,

Honestly, I wish it was face to face,

- because maybe then I wouldn’t have noticed just scared I was to find this thing that just so casually wandered into my life.

It’s roused something I thought I’ve gotten over, like a rolling cloud it hovers over me

Only letting up for a short period of time

Threatening to pour onto me just searching for a moment where I break

How could something so little cause such a big break?

It started a monotonous cycle I cannot seem to be able to break.