Mirror, Softer

I used to stand in the mirror

like I was giving a report

on everything I’d done wrong.

Chin angle, eye bags,

that weird bend in my smile

evidence, evidence.

﹁﹂

The bathroom light is cruel,

But honestly, so was I.

I’d lean close

like I could intimidate myself

into becoming someone easier to love.

﹁﹂

Then I started doing this small thing:

after brushing my teeth,

foam still on my lip,

I’d say one kind sentence.

Out loud.

It felt stupid. It felt fake.

﹁﹂

“You’re trying.”

Some days that was all I had.

﹁﹂

I watched my face react

a twitch, a softening,

like a dog deciding

You’re not here to hit it.

﹁﹂

I didn’t glow.

I didn’t magically forgive my whole history.

But the mirror stopped being a courtroom.

It became a window

I could breathe near

without fogging up from shame.

﹁﹂

Now, when I look,

I try to see the person

who kept going anyway

messy, late, learning

and my reflection, finally,

doesn’t flinch first.