Mindscape to home

I wanted a simple uncomplicated path to together.

We had been apart for many years.

A shared life still kept us connected in a forever kind of way.

You reached out to me. A world wide crisis reared its ugly head.

Before we could meet and see each other again,

A Pandemic hit. Suddenly and devastatingly.

Two entire countries separated us.

Forbidden by nature and human laws from sharing a desired closeness,

We were compelled to meet each other only on the airwaves of time.

Strange how time spent apart reveals our true and intrinsic ideals.

For, when I tried to impart to you the need to be close to another, to really be at home in my mind and heart,

You projected to me your belief that one does not need another to truly feel or be home and content.

I am unsure if you reaching out to me was for me or for you.

Did it have anything to do with me.

Or did you just need confirmation of your masculinity.

You, unlike me, were happy in your own skin though alone.

Sadly I realized that you really believed and were happy to be by yourself.

Looking back over the younger years, I can vaguely see that this had always been you. My eyes were just not open then.

They are now.

I was not necessarily required to be with you, you had developed your mind to a state of mental self sufficiency.

You wanted or needed something, not necessarily someone.

I reached out, you pulled or pushed back.

I felt rejection. In your mind you were not rejecting me, you were teaching me to develop my consciousness.

I just wanted warmth and tenderness. Even if it were from across the miles.

You were not rejecting me, I know that in my heart, yet I felt cold and more alone than you can fathom.

"I am not an ordinary man." You said to me.

The Narcissus in you arising.

You tried to bend and break my will to become what you wanted me to be.

You needed an extraordinary woman.

Yet in you I saw nothing extraordinary.

If it takes an ordinary man to make me feel alive

Then give me ordinary and happy.

The more I try to get closer to you the colder I feel that wind, and the farther my feelings flee away from you.

I am warmth, you are ice.

Yet you refuse to melt.

I needed your warmth through the aloneness of the uncertain days and lonely nights.

Yet you kept on berating me and enforcing your logic,

When all I needed was the illogical and humane.

In a strange roundabout way you have helped me find my peace

For, in trying to educate me to the awakening of myself. coldly.

I have outgrown you, if a little sadly.

I fell into a deep depression

From which I emerged stronger and more determined to rise above

And continue strong, stronger still forward

I have found that peace within me that takes me home

Home to myself.

And the realization that home is what I make it.

I truly hope you see the paradox.

The irony.

So here I am.

Home.

You will forever be a part of me and I a part of you.

Goodbye and thank you.