Memories

There was a light in the corner of the room. I could still smell the lingering odor of the cologne sprayed for the last time months ago. The wooden panelled wall created an illusion in this ten by ten foot bedroom. An illusion of memories collaborating together all at once.

Still, the only piece of furniture besides the mattress laying bare on the oak wooden floor, was the dark brown dresser. Handmade and beautiful, I ran my fingers over the uneven lines that held the drawers in place. Remembering the long nights laying on my trundle, following the swirls of design on each drawer as my thoughts ran rapid like these uneven designs. Curving and turning hopelessly, never connecting, only coming to a sure dead end. The last drawer was still empty from the night I removed my books and extra shirts out. Moving up to the top, smallest drawer, I pulled it out to find all the things of necessity. Old spice deodorant and cologne, combs and brushes, and of course, a lighter and matches, gum wrappers and some change. The dresser alone held more memories than the room itself, which is why it was the only thing that remained, the only piece of importance to uphold and keep every secret to the key of the past in my heart. As long as it stays right there in this very spot, my heartache cannot be confronted.

The windows, free from blinds and curtains, exposed the dark room to the cars stopping across the street. Their headlights glared into the room and I was taken back to when the bare mattress had a tainted bed frame. The cream colored frame with its slightly crooked legs, squeaked with just walking by it. Laughter filled the room as I remembered the good times that were rare in those days. A place of solitude for the nights is what that elevated, at one time, bed brought.

And as the headlights revealed and then left, so did the memories.

Letting go was the worst, yet, possibly the best decision, to release all the misunderstanding and bitterness, love and forgiveness, and the possible yet impossible from my mind and heart. No longer blocking and preventing my growth, love and future. But, it is nice to remember where my end was my beginning.

FL