Maybe it’s me ?

Yesterday somebody told me that I “need to take a long look in the mirror” and realize I’m the problem.

It takes a lot for me to admit this, I can be very prideful and egotistical, but maybe I am.

I know I can be overbearing and at times probably very frustrating if not impossible to deal with.

I never mean any harm though. I do struggle very much with the thought of losing something and/or someone I love.

Maybe I have separation issues. Maybe I have abandonment issues. I am starting to realize it can very much be true that I am the problem.

So maybe losing someone I saw forever with and my unborn child makes my mind wander into assumptions and things that may not even be in the realm of reality. It’s not a choice. I don’t chose to drive myself crazy.

Maybe I love too hard. Maybe I don't allow myself or the other party necessary space and time to gather a complete and rational thought.

Maybe I do expect myself out of people. I’m not the type to give up on you if I love you. It’s almost impossible for that to be in my plans.

Maybe the demons of my past get to me and make me self sabotage my situations. I guess I just want the same chances I give out.

Maybe I don’t have the capability to handle losses. Maybe I am that weak to the thought of loss or abandonment.

Yes I have contemplated and attempted suicide before because of it. It’s not worth it. It’s cowardly. Yet if you reading this can understand this then you know why it seems like a logical choice.

Maybe it is me. Maybe I do have to take that long look in the mirror and self reflect to be better. I am not a bad person. I just DON’T handle situations well at all when I may be the one losing.

Maybe it is me ?

Nah.

Time to admit it.

It IS me.