Maybe im just Grey .

If I had to describe myself as one colour, then I guess I wouldn’t be able to.

My life is as complex as the colour spectrum in itself,

Nowhere near as simple as red, green, purple or blue.

Grief is what surrounds me, from the age of 7 to the age of 32.

Did I ask for this life, no.

Would I wish this on my worst enemy, never!

For those I’ve lost, not every death has been painful or slow,

For one, life was an adventure where he reached the end of his lifetime endeavour.

4 losses, 4 funerals, 4 pieces of myself gone but not forgotten,

my life has been one big recovery session with many still to come.

4 cycles of grieving, is enough to leave any man on his best day feeling rotten,

But I try to communicate in hope of empathy, but this struggle is only understood by some.

Blue is my favourite colour, but does that best represent my life experiences?

Clear skies, clear blue sea water is not what springs to mind when I think of blue.

Sometimes, I see the lonely aspects of blue, along with the sadness, and the seriousness.

My perspective of blue, ranges from sadness to hope renewed.

So, with that in mind, you can understand my issues with the colour red.

On the one hand, I think of fond memories learning to drive in my dad’s maroon Focus.

In the other, it represents the anger I feel remembering those dearest me remain only in my head.

These conflicting feelings often leave me jaded, some would say even hopeless.

Rather than looking for a colour that best represents my struggle,

maybe I should find one that best represent the courage it takes to keep going.

In truth, the sunshine's beaming is enough to evaporate the teary puddles.

Soo let it shine on me like the agriculture you bless, I will defiantly keep on growing.

In a world filled with so much mixed emotions, mines frequent between anguish and pain,

its hard to see the beauty in colours, even on its brightest day.

I miss those who have gone before me, in every moment, fallen tears leave my body strained.

Maybe there is no vibrant colour that best describes me, maybe I’m just Grey.