marriage is a lonely thing

we got into an argument today.

you didn’t like the way I was speaking to you,

I didn’t like that you failed to understand me for the hundredth time.

you kept saying “I don’t get it I don’t get it I don’t get it”

and I kept screaming that that has been the problem all along.

I once felt as if you were the only person to flip through the pages of this open book and truly understand what all the scribbled words actually meant,

and don’t get me wrong, you certainly try to be that person

but the truth is

I’m lonely.

not because you aren’t here

but because you’ll never really know how it feels to live within the walls of my skull.

the rage,

the voices,

the memories and the regret that refuse to leave the forefront of my mind,

the erratic feelings and actions that I can’t quite control and don’t quite understand

you’ll never get any of it.

and for you, I’m glad.

for me, though,

I’m condemned to a life of solitude despite being married.

and don't get me wrong, it’s not a loveless or laughless marriage by any means

but damn if I’m not so fucking lonely.

I know one day it’ll be too much,

and one day, our relationship will probably return to dust.

not of any fault of your own

and certainly not because I don’t love you

but because I get you

in ways that you could never get me.

and I think I’d rather be alone

than be married, yet lonely.