Marionette of Misery

What does she mean

When she says I’ve

“Fallen in love”

With my misery?

How can that be—

No

She is just another

Stupid human being

What could she possibly know?

Little sister

We are at dinner

And you complain

That I took the last

Of something

I offer it to you

Yet you turn it down

Why?

Oh, I see…

It seems,

Little sister

That you fell in love

With your misery

Little brother

You ask your mother

“Can I go

To see a friend?”

Usually she would

Respond “yes”

Only this time

She replies “maybe”

You take that as “no”

Minutes later

You cry

And she says “yes”

Yet you still cry out

“Too late now”

When you clearly

Have time

Do you no longer wish

To see your friend?

Or is it you have fallen in love

With your misery?

Young child

You wish for things

That are momentarily

Impossible

And you fall to despair

If not instantly received

But in time

When your wish

Is offered to be granted

You wish to remain

In your despair

Because you’ve fallen in love

With your misery

What have I done

To hear those words

That I

“Fell in love”

With my misery

I’m not one for

Liking attention

I don’t like being

This way

This miserable way

Of dancing with

My demons

Of associating with

Your arrogance

Of collaborating with

No confidence

Of eternity with

Your evil

Of simply existing

With the suffering

I apologize

If I have done

So much wrong

That I can’t ever

Escape my pain

I have not,

I repeat,

Have not

Fallen in love

With misery

Misery won’t leave

Me be

…but is it my fault?

They keep telling me

That it is

“Be happy”

“Be kind”

“Smile”

“Do things right”

“It’s your fault that

You’re never pleased”

“It’s not anyone’s fault

You’re depressed

You’re suicidal

You’re constantly upset

You’re never happy—

No one’s fault

But your own”

I’m so confused

What do I do

I’m lost for answers

Because this

“Family”

Never gives me any

All I’ve learned from them

Is pain—

But…

Is that because…

That’s all I’ve ever wanted?