Love Sissy

Today my heart is heavy with grief-

I lay still with closed eyes, holding my breath - praying for relief.

My big brother, you always held me so high-

I was so tough on you, I thought I could save you - I had to try!

You told me my tough love made it worse -

You wanted my acceptance, to embrace your curse!

I begged you, again and again, told you I ACCEPT YOU, I LOVE YOU, demons and all!

I was so very afraid but I knew it would come, that 3 AM call!

I think back to Coach Buff, SV football camp -

You were my HERO, my protector, PUP’s champ!

Remember at BS when you lost your shoe?

You ran 30 more yards, won the game - I thought nothing could EVER stop you!

No matter how lost you ever became,

You checked in, stayed close, took my lashings, and accepted all my blame!

Never did you walk away,

Instead, you loved me more than anyone else & despite the silence would stay!

A letter each week, I now cherish those words-

Most of the compliments that I don’t deserve!

I thought I had lost you a long time ago,

But this time was different, you had a determination, a glow!

We laughed and discussed our recent visitors -

And how our emotions make us our own prisoners!

My Big Brother was back I had no doubt,

And you know I don’t say that lightly - I was always the first to call you out!

I remember that one girl, she said: “Wow, your sister is aggressive”,

I embarrassed you, we fought - you said I was way too excessive!

Or that guy at your school you overheard talking about me,

I always wondered how bad was the beating he took - if they had to cut his eyes open to see!

I smile at memories, but quickly turn to a frown,

How could I have let my guard down?

I told you when you get out it’s your turn to take care of me,

You told me there are no other hands you would leave me in but Vinnie.

It doesn’t make sense, I won’t let this go,

Aggressive, excessive - I got this - you already know!

I don’t know how to live without you,

Through every part of life - internally - you were always my glue.

I’ll write again soon when my mind becomes still,

With intentions to write lighter but at this time that’s a very tall hill!

Love Sissy!