Love My Past

I know he wants what's best for me

But he asks to much from me

And it feels like I'm crumbling

When he is going to leave you for nothing

Only hurting what little something I have

I'm not worth the hurt, the pain, the burden

I'm a broken piece of a much larger person

He doesn't want someone like me

I'm like nothing but a disease

Infecting every part of me

And the only thing that I can see is this dark half of me

Crushing the happy part of me

Knowing I'm worth nothing

He doesn't understand how ruined I am

Because of another man

And how the crowds use to stair

Because of my despair

Ruined my way of thinking

Because all that I feel is that I'm sinking

And I know he will do the same

But I don't want to think of that end game

I know what I wear is a mask because I'm cracked from the inside

Maybe I should have died

Left the world without another cry

Why do they judge even though they know love

I don't know how to feel joy anymore

When happiness was what I once lived for

I don't know how to be afraid

When fear is just second nature

I don't know how to react

When all I've felt is under attack

Now I know he wants what's best for me

But he doesn't understand me

And doesn't truly know me

And I accept that part of me

While I hide under this blanket of lies

And then smile in his eyes

I don't like this way of thinking

While I wipe away my dry eyes

He should get the best part of me

And not see how I can become ugly

I shouldn't burned another with my past

And just stay alone as the outcast

While my work falls apart and all I know is to break apart

I'll never be successful

And I've never really believed it anyways

I'll just smile through my day while the pain fades away