Love my Children to never have them

I love my children enough to never have them

I look at the actions and words that hide in the dark

The things people do to each other including kids themselves

I’ve witnessed the horrible side of human hearts

I love my children enough to never have them.

Not because I do not dream of them

but because I wake up in a world that does not deserve them.

I love my children enough to never have them

So why do you keep on asking me the same question?

Have you not read the latest in the news?

This world is not a letter worth to mention

I was raised by a mother who warned me early

There are those who will judge you by the curve of your lips,

By the kink in your hair, by the skin you were born in.

And though it shouldn’t matter

it will matter…to them.

I learned that truth too soon,

When strangers asked if this was my real hair,

Judged and referred to as The Blacks

Denied service or jobs or opportunity

When rage is justified but can’t be released

When mirrors started to feel like battlegrounds

But don’t you ever , ever make a sound

I love my children enough to never have them.

I’ve seen systems turn classrooms into cages,

Saw micro aggressions become daily weather,

And learned the names of wars that had no bullets

only bias,

only the constant theft of being understood.

I love my children enough to never have them

Yes, I am a woman who has no interest in 9 months of carrying

A pretty prey for a predator when I can’t guarantee their protection

If I die too soon, what life will they end up living

I love my children enough to never have them.

Because I know what it means to be born a girl

and then spend a life clawing for air under the patriarchy.

To be told “smile,”

to be told “you should’ve dressed different,”

to be told “motherhood is your crown.”

No

My only crown is knowing when to protect,

even if that means from the life I could create.

I love my children enough to never have them

I think this world needs a proper fix first

I love my children enough to never have them

As long as I can prevent it so

In a world that will judge them for the shade of their skin

And if they’re the right color, carrying my genes is not a win

I love my children enough to never have them.

Because I know how the world squints at names

then shapes your future before you can speak.

And though data proves our worth

Truth gets buried beneath someone else’s comfort.

I love my children enough to never have them.

Because love isn’t just birth

it’s provision.

It’s safety.

It’s stability.

And if I don’t have those bricks laid down,

Why ask them to walk this world barefoot?

I love my children enough to never have them.

Because this womb is not a backup plan

For when I grow old and lonely

A child is not an insurance policy

And I will not cash in their lives for my comfort.

I love my children enough to never have them.

Because even when born of love,

Too many children are raised out of desperation.

And when the rent is due,

Love alone does not pay.

I love my children enough to never have them.

I haven’t done enough for the children already here.

And if I cannot say I changed this world for them,

then how can I invite another soul to carry the weight?

So no

don’t ask me again.

This is not selfishness.

This is not bitterness.

This is a sacred pause

the kind that says

“I love you too much to pretend this world is safe.”

I love my children enough to never have them

I haven’t done enough to fix the world for the kids of today

And I’m old and too tired to continue with repairs

Why bother? When safely in my womb they can stay