Love is a River

Skin on skin, dark on light.

Much like my heart, it dances for both.

I dance for both the rain and the sun.

I have danced through many battles, many wars however and I am now tired.

As I lie in your arms I wonder; can you feel how exhausted I am?

You hold me tightly and tell me I can rest now.

I want to let go but it is so hard when I've held on so tightly for so long.

My hands and heart bleeding from holding what I know to be mine.

For if I let go, if I rest what happens then, my dear?

I hope you can understand that the last time I let go and let someone else in, my past was used against me.

I was taught that my trauma would keep me broken; my trauma was what made me untrustworthy.

Will you also come to this conclusion one day?

Or will you hold my secrets safe?

You hold me so tight and close I feel you're trying to put my pieces back together.

I've already put these pieces together like a good warrior does but I'd be lying if I didn't admit there are cracks.

There are pieces of me missing that I've learned to live without.

As I run my fingers over your lips and look into your eyes I wonder; can I do this again?

I've already lived so many lives.

For with each love I've found and lost another life.

Not to mention the energy and time expelled to put myself back together, another couple of lives.

I don't know that I have it in me.

However, I prayed for you, didn't I?

Someone I can rest in their arms at the end of the day.

Someone I can tell my truest and deepest thoughts to.

Someone who won't judge me no matter how odd or dark my humor may get.

Someone who will support me in every way a woman needs support.

Will you be that love?

Will you just be there?

You won't ask for more of me than my love?

Tell me, as you trail your hand down my back and play with my hair will you love me forever?

Even after you see my skeletons?

I don't trust easily you know.

There are too many missing pieces.

I can't lose any more or I may crumble again.

When will I lose so many pieces that I can't stand anymore?

You say we'll stand together and do this life together.

Is that even possible?

Does love last forever?

Is it just a fairy tale?

When I'm with you life blurs and only you matter.

When I see your beautiful face, your strong hands hold me, your thick lips kiss me, and your sweet voice speaks to me I forget my worries.

Do I jump off this cliff again? I ask the Spirit what He thinks and He only smiles.

Spirit, give me the strength to survive this fall again. "Just once more", I whisper before I plunge into the depths of this river of love.