Love as I know it

I am plagued by people that historically choose every other option except me.

I have been taught that out of sight is out of mind for humans too.

I was the child my mama prayed for and the first from the loins of my daddy

And the same child nobody nurtured.

I am the original pro-life decision.

They chose not to scrape away my existence but that may have been a better outcome… at least it wouldn’t have meant a lifetime of mistreatment, subtle abuse, kind verbal disrespect…

At least I would’ve been seen directly as not being wanted

At least I wouldn’t need to be heard past the d&c table

At least then I would’ve been seen as the mistake I’ve been treated as

I didn’t choose this existence

And yet for some reason, I take pleasure in lingering past my expiration date.

I wanted so badly to die because I couldn’t live with the pain of survival.

Now…

Now I just want to thrive

On my terms!

I wasn’t good enough for their standards

I wasn’t tall enough to reach their aspirations

I wasn’t funny enough to keep them laughing with me

BUT

Me being me is enough for ME!!!!!

*F* em if they don’t agree

*F* em if I have to abide by their rules to be loved

I have enough conditions, love shouldn’t come with one from any-dern-body!!!!!