Loud

Sometimes I still wonder,


Would people love me more if I stayed quiet?


If I never spoke up,


if I didn’t get excited about things,


if I wasn’t romantic or whimsical.


If I loved less deeply,


or held back parts of myself.

But after years of silence,


years of pleasing others,


and of making sure everyone was comfortable—


years of burning myself just to keep others warm—


I’m done.

I want to be loud.


I want to take up space without it being an issue.


I want to be free, wild, and unapologetic.


I want to feel safe in my femininity,


without having to harden myself just to survive.

I want to eat,


Drink,


Pray,


Dance,


Sing,


Meditate,

Write,

Do yoga,

All of the little and big things that make me happy…

And, above all, I want to love without holding back.

I want to live so fully,

so boldly,


that the world can’t help but feel my presence long after I’m gone.