Lost and not found

I’ve been walking..

I’ve been walking for a while now.

I lost my way..

It’s been 10 years

Way longer than I expected.

Where am I? Where do I supposed to be? How do I find my way back? Or…how do I find my way out?

I can see it..I can see the light..but every time I feel like I’m getting closer to it it gets further away.

Why is that?

Is things getting worse? Or are they not going anywhere?

It’s my fault..

I let it get this far.

i let it get this bad.

But I was scared..I’m still so scared.

It’s like I’m on a treadmill..

Running running running

And not going anywhere.

Everyone left the path..

Everyone found another one

But here I am..still on the same path from 10 years ago.

Actually I turned into the wrong one.

It’s dark…it’s lonely…it’s scary.

I feel like I’m by myself..but I can feel eyes on me.

I'm so tired..

it’s been a long journey.

I want to get to that light now.

I can already feel the relief

But..

I’ve been trying to get to the light and it keeps getting away..

I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do..

Keep going?

Or

Give up?

It’s right there tho..

But it’s still so far away.

Or is it?

Is it me that’s walking away from the light?

Are my decisions backfiring?

10 years ago I was happier.

I was walking down a clear path..

But I always noticed a dark shadow following me..

It was always there..

But one day it wanted to take the lead this time..

And now I’m lost..

How did I end up here?

I walked too far in…I can’t go back now.

The shadow lead me here…this is the shadows path…

A never ending path..

Is the light I see fake?

Will I alway be on this path?

How do I get out?

I’m scared.

Have I been walking down a path that’s endless?

The light…

It has to be real…right?

It’s been 10 years..

And the light is the same distance it has alway been..

So why can’t I get to it already?

Is it because I’m not ready?

What’s on the other side?

I’m scared…

GODDAMMIT

That’s my problem I’m too fucking scared..

Do I want to get to the light?

How bad do I want it?

RUN

RUN

RUN

RUN

RUN

I’m not moving..

I’m scared.

I’m not ready..

I’m not brave enough..

I…

I’m weak..

So weak

I’m too scared to move..

What am I scared of exactly?

The path..

Has been very scary

It made me paranoid..

It made me weak.

Everyone else took a path that made them grow..

This one…

Has no time frame

This is stays the same…forever.

You can’t grow..

You can’t move forward..

It makes you stay..

Has other people went down the same path as me?

How did they make it out?

How did they figure it out?

How did they let go of the fear?

I’m terrified..

It’s scary here..

I can’t fucking move.

Did people die here?

Have someone ever been here forever?

I don’t see anyone..

It’s just me.

For 10 years…

It’s been rough..

The light.

It’s there..

So far away..

I cried for help..

They hear me but they couldn’t find me..

They voiced were loud at first but they kept fading the more I walked looking for them.

I should’ve turned around..

But when I did.

The path behind me was long gone.

There was nothing but darkness..

10 years later

I’m still trying to get to the light..that’s still so far away.

Am I strong enough for going this long?

Am I brave for walking down such a dark path?

I’m still alive.

Could anybody else survive such adventure?

At the end of the day…all paths have an ending..

So why doesn’t this one?

**************************************

OOOOOFFFF

I’m sorry if this poetry feels super depressing :( but I want to write about something that people can relate to something deep and raw…something people can say “wow…this person is in my head” lol and I want to reach people who never been through something like this to feel what the person in the poet is feeling even though they can’t relate.

Thank you so much for taking the time out to read this very sad poet lol next time it’ll be something happier haha.

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Ignore the mistakes plz ;)