Lost

I can only wish I knew-

How everything got so out of hand

I can plan for peace all I want but can't establish the steps

So- What am I doing?

Overthinking to understand

There's no difference between what I see with my eyes open or closed

Shrouded- veiled by the mist

Lost- What little hope was left at hand

Agony- Like I'm drowning in sand

I'm not seeing what I believe in

So- I find it quite hard to believe what I'm seeing

But- What is it that I believe in?

Is my mind playing tricks on me again?

Addled- unable process what surrounds me

What's happening?

My eyes are open all night

My mind is dreaming all day

Separated- Mind, body and soul

Lost- All in different places

Helpless- In constant search for each other

Like pieces of a puzzle scattered across the floor

A mess- With no one to blame and no one to clean

A storm- Silent but not still

What is this?

A ghost- Haunting, looming

A presence so ominous

The only response is anxiousness

Turning the world upside-down and tearing it apart

Up all night

Down all day

This is- Insomnia's curse

Every side of me looks at its reflection differently

Acceptance is absent

This is- Perfectionism's Curse

The man in the mirror looks at me with an evil eye

I can't stand it

His gaze of judgment

With patience thinner than the line I'm walking on

Thinner than the space between the rock and hard place I find myself in

I can stare into the sun longer than I can look into the mirror

But I cannot stay here-

Wherever "here" is-

But- I don't even know where I am

Or- Where I'm going

Chasing nothing

Running from everything

I can't be lost forever

And signs don't lie- Right?

But is what they're saying the same as what I'm hearing?

What's waiting for me in the future?

Will what I left in the past confront me again?

The bridge I'm standing on- Is burning

The waters below- Seething

The storm- Is not still, anymore

The wind is a minacious voice

Paralyzing

As if- I'm living, in a nightmare

Inescapable

But I'm wide awake- As I've been all night

This dread- is existential

Whatever lead me here- I've lost

Lost sight of all

And myself- Flesh, spirit, and all of what little was left

All of it- Lost