LONELY NIGHTS

Such simple words,

But how they burned as I read.

Tears building in my eyes as they sink in

I felt my heart being ripped right out of my chest

An urge to turn around fills my mind

To just give in

Tired of all the effort

When I just want to cave in

Stubbornness pushes me

A need to be strong

But the emptiness embraces me like a dear old friend

Go through the day just fulfilling the motions

Good news from my boss

But it all feels pointless in the end

I force myself to mingle

Have some drinks to numb the pain

A charade for my friends

As we celebrate my accomplishment

The demons dance in my head

Can’t let them see the mess

I swallow my weakness

A lump in my chest

The pain burns

Threatening to boil over

The anger grows

My heart longs to be cold once again

Into the night I leave

Seeking to be alone

Tears fall from my cheeks

Blurring my sight as I speed through the night

Alone with my thoughts

My strength falters

Dread sets in

Heavy on my shoulders

Screams escape my lips

Silenced by the music blasting

Frustrated that I am alone once again

Where is my composure, I had moments ago?

Where Is the strength I so foolishly present?

All I can think about is how I’d rather be dead

Tired of the heartbreak

I’ve had more than I can take

I swerve

Unsure if its from the liquor or the tears

My vison blurry

My body unsteady

Exhausted from the effort of pretending

Everything is not okay

But I will never say it

I pull in the drive

Amazed I am not dead

Alone as always

An empty bed

Another lonely night

With the dreams that haunt me dancing through my head

A restless night

Unsure if it’s the hangover or my existential dread

I’m stuck in my bed

Can’t convince myself to eat

An anger inside me

That I can’t seem to curb

I seek out a drink

Trying to calm the storm

But even my favorite bar can’t clear my head

Thoughts of you swirl as people sing karaoke

I don’t say a word

Nothing like myself

I take more shots and leave

At home I sit in my car

Some music to drown out my dread

I cry till I cannot anymore

I long for your touch

A gentle kiss to calm my nerves

For someone to hold me

As the darkness closes in

But here I am

Alone once again