loneliness: The clown & the cool

Have you ever experienced this — when you’ve tried everything just to fit in?

There’s always that one friend in the group: the clown. The happy, jolly one who’s always making others laugh. But behind that humor, there’s often something deeper — maybe childhood trauma, abandonment, or just a quiet search for belonging. I’ve been that friend, and honestly, it hurts. Being “the clown” can make you feel small. People see your jokes but not your pain. They laugh at your words but never notice when you’re the one breaking inside. It makes you feel like your worth depends on how much you can entertain others.

Then there’s the cool kind of friend — the one I’ve never really been. They don’t seek attention, but somehow they get it anyway. They carry a calm confidence that draws people in. But being that kind of person often comes from a background of independence. They’ve learned to rely only on themselves, which can make them strong — but also hard to reach. They don’t like being corrected or told what to do, because they’ve built their identity around being self-sufficient.

Both types can clash — the clown, craving acceptance, and the cool one, standing firm in independence. But in the end, both are just people trying to be seen, understood, and loved in their own way.

So, let me ask you: what kind of friend are you?