Living Life Through a Spectrum

On January 11 2003,

I was born in color,

With a medium skin tone,

That resembled my mother’s,

I didn’t realize it

Until I turned three,

Because life was still a blur,

That I just couldn’t see

From that point forward

I saw every color on the spectrum

I also saw how I was different

Being on the Autism spectrum

But that one part of me is a secret

Can’t expose my identity

Cuz then people will start treating me

Like I’m a different entity

Instead of realizing that

We could be similar individuals

We see the same colors

Through photo receptive visuals

Most of my life experiences

Have been colored with moods

I must be bipolar

Cause I go from feeling red to BLUE

Because when something doesn’t go as planned, I

Lose my confidence, I’m

Used to feeling sad,

Even when people give me compliments

Whenever I text a girl,

She usually leaves me on “read”,

Is it because her phone is dead,

And the battery is RED

When nobody responds, I’m left feeling on edge until I

Realize no one’s more passionate than me except the color RED

Eventually I calm down, instead of feeling

Distressed when things are left unsaid

I’m always stuck on my phone

My little cellular machine

Even when i’m charging it

Waiting for it to go GREEN

Green is the color of

Growth and greed, if

Red means stop, then

Green means you better go and succeed

Everlasting trees were born in the color of green

Even our planet has the same color as trees

So I guess the color green has a duality of being

Needed for the bad and the good to achieve

YELLOW was the brightest color

In my crayon box

I was the brightest kid in school

But I struggled a lot

I got good grades, by being

Engaged in classes.

Never failed a single test

Because I always passed it

Despite my academics, I

Lack verbal comprehension

When it comes to instructions

Sometimes I struggle to listen

Because I’m autistic, I’m

Labelled as slow

I wish I was young forever, but I’m

Obligated to grow

I repress the emotions

That I’m not able to show,

Don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, I

Wear it out on my toes

So I can walk over my heartbreaks,

I’ve had my share of hard days

Where I broke off the door hinges

And crushed a bunch of ORANGES

I let the citric acid, fall

Over my skin

I just keep repeating cycles by

Repeating my sins

A mistake is what I’m

Afraid to make

Cause people have

Something to say

They love to antagonize

Then they infantilize

The way that my brain works

Sometimes I sit and fantasize

About a time where I didn’t

Need to be perfect, I’ve

Got all the intelligence,

But i’m still cursed with

Executive dysfunction,

People make assumptions

That I have good memory

When I don’t remember nothing

Yeah, I’m good at jumping and

Some of my other motor skills

But I can’t drive a car

When I use the steering wheel

Lately I’ve been hiding

Inside my shell like a turtle

Wish I could go to Africa

And take a sip of those PURPLE

Herbal flowers from Wakanda

And gain superhuman

Powers, like the ability

Of cognitive flexibility

Usually I tend to stay

Reserved

Because my energy is something I

Preserve

For people who truly

Love me

And don’t try to

Be above me

That doesn’t mean that I don’t like to

Engage socially

It’s just that not everyone is friendly

As they’re supposed to be

I guess that makes me unique

I guess that makes me distinct

My brain is a raw piece of meat

That was painted in PINK

How can I succeed in a world, I wasn’t

Prepared for,

I got too much on top of my plate, I can

Not bear more

Any amount of pressure, because it can

Kill me

I don’t need your sympathy, but I need

You to feel me

The people that I love

Hate the way that I think

So I need you to accept

What makes me unique