Life isn’t always rainbows and smiles

Life isnt always rainbows and smiles. Sometimes you can get into an extremely dark place in life and it SUCKS. It's okay to feel down, it's okay to cry. Sometimes you feel ugly or not good enough and that's okay, live in that moment for a second dont try to convince yourself you're okay when you're not. Sometimes I feel like I expose myself to people in way that's not even me. Theres SO much more to me than what I show people and I wish I wasnt like that. I hate that I end up showing one side of me that makes people perceive me in a way I dont want to be perceived as. I've realised I'm not good at making friendships or maintaining relationships and maybe this is why. I show a side of me that makes me look a certain way, maybe I do this because I'm scared of showing my vulnerable, lonely, alone side of me. What if I show them everything and they leave? Maybe that's why I show them the side that will appeal to them more or keep them there, I'll do what someone wants even if I dont want to, just so they stay. It's so frustrating to be like this. ALL I want is for someone to see that's not me, I want someone to really see ME and who I really am.