life

looking at her

wanting to be seen

she's only 6 years old

so small and tiny

pigtails

and eyes that cannot focus on anything

her mum stands beside her

scolding her once more

that familiar surge of disappointment

she whispers to herself, mum, can't you see i am more than disappointment?

she just wanted a hug from mum

because at 6 she felt disappointed in herself

i've let my family down once more

i must not be worth much

those same familiar tears rise up only to be pushed aside

asking for a hug is not an option

nor is any kind of comfort

this is how i remember her

lost and alone

being in strange places

that feel cruel and cold

i look at her now

and i only want to love her

she is my precious younger self

a brave soul

instead of pushing her aside

i invite her in

sweetheart, i've created a reading nook for you

fresh tea on the table

a place to rest

a place to process

i can see she feels so much

and that's ok

each moment i breathe with her

we breathe together

she stops her reading and asks,

are you going to abandon me?

no. i'm here. with you.

she asks, what about when it's really tough

and i remember

i'll be there too.

we can create new memories

and live them together