Lettuce Think

How can people afford fountains of booze

But have no time for a bath or shower?

I really wish I was on that cruise.

The odor is horrific at any hour.

This establishment is faulty;

Cheap entry and counterfeit goods.

At least there's cards against humanity

Though we'd have have more fun in the woods.

"The money is missing!"

Cried one of the volunteers.

Then I see what someone is cradling...

Never seen anything like it in years.

The pub quiz was interrupted

By a free giveaway

I see my team get frustrated

They just want to play

"Who wants some lettuce?"

Crowds jumped and arms reached out!

I heard someone say, "Get hit by a bus!"

I don't know what that was all about.

We won that quiz despite the issues

We went to reception to claim our prize:

The staff all looked like they needed tissues

They let us have it which was a surprise.

So we know where the charity money went

Not to Oxfam, or Children in Need

Well this is well and truly bent

Well what a load of bollocks indeed.

We hopped to the bar with much less dread

The lettuce munchers made me stop to think

My friends tapped my shoulder and said;

"Come on and pick a drink!"

Everything afterwards is green and blurred

Stale salad, cold curry and tea for breakfast,

With a red rose it's all been stirred...

This will take some time to adjust.