don't tell me i'm not worth IT just because i care too much. as if it's something i ought to be ashamed of after you told me how good we felt together- keep all the attention and love drugs you think i'm after- proclaim yourself a prize to be had as if you could live up to that artificial standard in this clumsily inseminated mistruth. you might think i look as lost as you are, but i'm not so hopeless as i'm intentional. i always hit what i aim for and get where i'm going.
cause I GET IT, but then at the same time i don't always. if it's come to my hands its already broken as fuck- what we have together is invaluable- but all mine at last; made to become unusable, and you don't think i watch you put all that on my tab.. c'mon and give me some more credit than that, even though we both know you label me different- no good for payment, even though this is nowhere near worth the price. and yet i had it coming cause that's what i asked for.
and I GET IT- more than most. this is not my first rodeo, circus, walk around the block, or bridge left burnt. now you can see that i never stopped playing with matches; but i took off my shoes and then added some smoke, mirrors, and someone with which to share it; and i did it all for the sake of assuring mutual destruction; self-conceived and self-created; self-unmade, as a team effort; kicking out our crutches.
still don't think I GET IT? i sure do, every last bit cause what's mine is mine: 0nce loved, now loved and hated, and unbothered by it all, all too much. so maybe it isn't what i wanted, but i don't have any other expectations. that person you showed, i knew- the one i first met- he never existed as more than words on your lips- mouth to mouth deceit as you fed me empty calories making me full but not fulfilled.
so, maybe i see things through the long view, or you only want to show me the wrong way of looking at us as if we exist in a vacuum. but this is what i got, and i know you got your own- and like it or not it's only more fuel for the fire i play with like I GET IT
About the Creator
⸘jason alan‽
:::WARNING:::
i am only responsible for what i say,
not for what you understand.
you may learn to be charmed by my [secret‽] discontent,
or you may not.
Keep reading
More stories from ⸘jason alan‽ and writers in Poets and other communities.
what's with today these days?
Saturday- lying in bed- definitely not the fourth of July. the occasional minor victory in adulting- four months procrastinated- punctuates my day against the ever-so-real struggles of life. it embodies all that is anything but celebratory. the day need not even be named as it is merely one among many in what feels like an endless string of melancholy, and i know it doesn't matter if i call it ANY other time or place in the universe... or just HERE, TODAY... yesterday, today, tomorrow- these words strung together as are the days of the week seem to highlight their meaninglessness. but still i tap each letter and space into words and into place, rearranging them with more ease than i am able to form the foundations of viable social productivity. these words and i don't always agree, but with enough effort we usually come to a basic understanding. leaps and bounds beyond what i am able to find looking in the empty boxes on the calendar, neglected for days, weeks, or months at any given time... i didn't actively choose to live like this, crushed under rising pressure of meeting the basic requirements of existence- it's more of what i chose to ignore that took on this life-draining-force of its own. so now i need not ask "WHAT'S WITH TODAY THESE DAYS!?," but demand to know what will i do differently before i can't because it's too late...
By ⸘jason alan‽4 years ago in Poets
Standing While Falling
Quotation from Friedrich Nietzsche "He who wrestles long with monsters should beware lest he himself become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. Man is not destroyed by suffering, but by the meaning he makes of it."
By LUCCIAN LAYTH6 days ago in Critique
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.