Journal of Nothingness

I am watching the same YouTube videos yet again. At this point they are a playlist.

One strand of my hair has fallen near the remote. It's the non-highlighted one. It matches the remote's colour.

I should change my hairstyle, no need to go through a dramatic breakup. Though I'd probably end up getting just a highlight streak again I guess.

The YouTube videos are still funny, reminds me of times they were funnier.

My room is a mess - my mind is, too.

I bite my nails too often, they are all uneven now. So are my lips, they are all chipped.

I am kind of scared of AI but also kind of drawn to it. That's also how I describe love. Doesn't make sense to me why exciting things are scary and why scary things are exciting.

I should probably eat something solid, it has been hours since the same videos have been playing. I have been munching on snacks and doing...something. Wait what have I been doing since morning?

I have a ton of work, I should start with something but I'm so tired, maybe I'll do it tomorrow or the day after or the weekend or maybe just not do it. I'm tired.

My breathing is so uneven, like my nails. It's annoying. I feel anxious with one breath, relieved with another and panicked with the next.

What will happen if I faint when I am alone and nobody knows until it's too late? That's always a possibility that looms in the panicked breaths. The relieved ones calm them down. The anxious ones watch it all play, they are the most frequent ones somehow, the math doesn't add up.

Those YouTubers will never know how much my views have profited them. I want to see the statistics and go like "I'm a huge part of that number"...oh, so I am just a number.

It's already so late. But the day had just started a while ago. I haven't done anything, I am tired already. I don't want to sleep - I have to sleep.

I scratched my head pretty aggressively and my fingers are a little shaky because of my uneven breathing. I should really do something about my nails, hairstyle, breathing, room and mind. And my playlist.