'Jaune'

I used to hate the color yellow.

To everyone around me, yellow was a reminder of warm rays.

The beating of the sun massaging the skin in ways mother Earth, could never.

But I hated it.

I hated how it made me look.

I was more noticeable in yellow.

People could see that I was a darkened shade of purple,

People could see that my skin did not match the hue that my light skinned mother held.

Yellow.

And I, purple.

Akin to a prune,

And a direct reflection of the father whose absence,

Made any other color but BLACK feel like needles were poking away at my skin.

Each prick, representing the years I went thinking looking like him, was a curse.

And as I child I used to play hide and seek with daylight.

Sit under the shade, and watch everyone else play,

Because God knows,

Black people are quick to say, "Man...I ain't tryna get darker today."

Yellow.

Like that tube top I wore that one day.

My ex looked me right in my eye and told me, "You look like a hooker, you might want to take it off."

And I did.

Smiled with a tint of hurt in my eyes,

As I slipped it off, and let it travel down my spine.

I never wore that tube top again.

Yeah.

I used to hate the color yellow.

But I think what I really hated,

Was myself.

------

But now!

Thinking of the color yellow starts my day.

You ever hear colors?

Ever taste colors?

Absorb colors?

I have.

Now yellow.

Reminds me of Saul Williams in SLAM he said,

"My Black gold like bees."

Now I,

LOVE yellow.

Like the,

Fur from my first puppy, I named him Snuggles.

Curls that matched mine,

Poodle top kids.

Little Black girl with skin like coco butter.

Yellow.

Like the nickname he gave me.

He spoke French,

So when he said it it rolled off his tongue...slow...like honey.

He called me,

Mon Soleil, my sun.

Yellow.

Like Beyoncé's Lemonade dress that swung so freely as it bypassed shattered glass.

Yellow,

Like fall leaves dancing just for my birthday.

Cupcakes in November.

Scorpio poison running through my veins.

The sky, is always brighter in Autumn.

Yellow,

Like how summer feels.

Yellow,

Like the Tang I used to mix in my Nana's kitchen.

Standing on my tiny tippy toes.

Stretching to reach the counter tops.

The powdered sugar that made water taste, oh so sweet.

Tang.

That sat in the kiddie cups we used to take from restaurants.

Yellow

Jaune

Amarillo

Njano

Giallo

Yeah,

I USED to hate the color yellow.