It Starts with a Smile
The Masks We Wear challenge entry
The day starts like any other,
Every one the same.
There’s no difference.
Except the one I feel and the one I allow you to see.
...
The mornings are dark and always cold.
No matter how much the sun shines.
I want to hide...
I dream of dying.
And then you say ‘Good morning’
And so, I tell my first lie.
...
It starts with the smallest of smiles.
Under the guise of tiredness.
But it’s not a lack of energy,
It’s the absence of life that contends me.
...
Our common connection allows me...
A moment.
To gather the pieces…
Of my resolve.
For the battle that lay ahead.
...
Every day begins the same.
With the seeking of space.
…Quiet.
Anywhere,
it doesn’t matter.
I need to breathe…
Tell myself I am okay.
“It’s just a day.”
...
(The second lie).
...
I fight
the dark thoughts.
The constant reminders.
The propaganda of my mind.
“I’m trapped.”
“I’ll never be happy.”
“I don’t deserve to be here.”
They circle me.
Recycle me.
Trapped in a loop of despair.
Until there’s no time to hide.
Because there’s no escape from duty.
…Work calls.
Loudly.
… time to pretend.
...
Forced to interact,
I greet colleagues with a smile.
A little bigger this time.
More convincing.
Straining the muscles,
that carry such reluctance.
...
I ignore…
Their positivity.
Listen under duress…
to their tales of happiness.
Instruct my face to play along,
To portray ‘happiness’
…for them.
…for me.
But fail.
There is none to be found.
I’m all out.
...
When I leave the office,
There is no reprieve.
There are strangers in shops,
Commuters on trains.
I can’t allow myself to break.
A stoic smile I retain.
Formed in a line.
Under constant strain.
Nobody knows,
The strength it takes…
To keep my face from falling.
...
Even at home, it’s not safe.
There’s no one I can tell,
Of all the pain I carry.
So I keep it for myself,
Because I’d hate to be a burden.
...
I’ve never seen myself.
Because every time I look,
I get lost.
And then the tears finally come.
To take away my strength
And wash away my armour.
...
So I’ve never even seen my smile
And neither has anybody else.
…
_____________________________
© Simon George 2025. All Rights Reserved.
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About the Creator
Simon George
I write poetry, fiction, and non-fiction. In 2021, I published my debut book "The Truth Behind The Smile" a self-help guide for your mental health based on my personal experience with depression. Go check it out.
IG: @AuthorSimonGeorge
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