It’s your turn

These four ivory walls keep me trapped here. The feeling of being suffocated only grows stronger by the day. I feel the sun’s bumblebee yellow rays beat down on me. I feel the clouds cheer me on. The azure skies and emerald green trees join as if they’re calling for me. I roll over. Ignoring the outside simulation for the real world; my world. It’s stone blue and wild wolf grey.

The feelings of loneliness and defeat overcome me. The voices in my head are screaming to be set free and help me with what needs to be done. Cry, cry, cry, they yell. Why, why, why they moan.

The mirror across from me gleams with a reflection I don’t recognize. Shrugging it off, my body heaves itself from the comfort of my nest. Now like a baby bird it’s my time to take flight today. I wish I learned to fly before taking my first step from the bed I like to call my home.

Stumbling to the bathroom I’m once again greeted by the stranger in the mirror. Mimicking as I do they brush vigorously at their hair, yanking at every strand on their head. My phone dings on the sink counter. I don’t wait a second longer to answer. It’s him. Feelings of jealousy and anger flourish from my chest as I read his text. Gripping my hair and clawing at my neck, it hits me. He doesn’t want me, he doesn’t need me. The voices grow louder shrieking like banshees in my head. Cry child cry they shout. Scream they yell.

Then it goes quiet. After taking a few shaky breaths the room stops spinning. My emotions are now a umber brown, muddied and confused.

Once again I make my way to my bed. This time I bask in the sunlight as I let the sun whisper in my ear the words I’ve been needing to hear, “Rest child, for you are safe with me.”.

My eyelids dance like butterfly wings as I think of how unlikely it is to have a journey like mine as a borderline and still come this far. To me that is truly unique.