It came back

I woke up this morning to a familiar face.

One that had gone to some forgotten place.

I groaned and rolled over with shut eyes.

Determined to sleep off the lies.

But when I woke again, he was still near.

Filled with all my hidden fear.

Wondering what was the point of it all.

And increasingly making me feel small.

And so I slept again.

Hoping the second time I woke, it would end.

And I could be the lighter version of me.

But it truly was not meant to be.

For the third time I woke, she was grown.

And she was destroying my mind: blown.

I found I could not make sense of reality.

And dreamed about my own mortality.

My brain scattered about in teenage years.

Making me forgotten in all my tears.

Because he was far more important to me.

And remains a being of nostalgia I always see.

And Teddy was wrong, it’s not a lotion.

It’s an aching wound being torn for emotion.

A unreal place that one can never return.

A safety net that wasn’t real, and yet I yearn.

I only think I want to go back.

Because my present feels out of wack.

When I struggle to find meaning.

In a world that keeps deceiving.

When nothing has a point,

And there is no longer some perfect answer.

When the rules no longer make sense.

And instead it’s all falling apart.

When poetry no longer sounds like rhymes

And rhythms

But desperte cried

and tribulations.

My mind aches to return to the order

That the world taught me when I was young.

Because the one I currently inhabit

Is falling

And I cannot hold on to a ledge not there.

And I cannot stand this world, so unfair.