Inside Job (Outside Job)

Inside jobs, outside jobs—

what’s the deal with jobs anyway?

Inside, you’ve got the cushy life, right?

Air conditioning, swivel chairs,

a never-ending supply of mediocre coffee,

and the printer that jams just to remind you

that technology hates you.

It’s a jungle in here, but the kind with cubicles,

where the biggest predator is Carl from accounting,

lurking behind you,

asking if you’ve got those TPS reports done.

Outside jobs? Whole different world.

You’re out there, in the wild.

Sun on your face, wind in your hair,

and dirt—so much dirt—everywhere.

Shovels, hard hats, probably some heavy machinery

you’re not even sure you’re qualified to use.

And let’s not forget the weather.

Rain? No problem, just get soaked.

Snow? Wear more socks.

Heatwave? Oh, here’s some sunscreen… good luck.

But hey, at least no one’s asking you about spreadsheets.

Inside, you’ve got meetings.

Endless, mind-numbing meetings

about… what are we even talking about?

Something about synergy?

Everyone’s nodding, but nobody’s awake.

You just want to go outside,

breathe some fresh air,

feel alive.

But no, you’re stuck,

trapped by fluorescent lights and passive-aggressive emails.

Meanwhile, the outside job people are probably laughing.

"Meetings? Nah, we’ve got rocks to move,

pipes to fix, trees to plant."

And there’s something satisfying about the dirt under their nails,

like they did something today.

Meanwhile, you filed 10 reports and responded to 47 emails,

but what did you actually do?

Typed. You typed.

But then again,

outside jobs have bugs.

So many bugs.

Bees, mosquitoes, mysterious flying creatures

that dive-bomb your head like it’s a runway.

And let’s not forget the sunburn.

You came out here with one skin tone,

now you’re a patchwork quilt of pink and regret.

Inside, your worst threat is the thermostat war—

who turned it down to 60 degrees?

I’m freezing in here!

So, which is better?

Inside, where your soul slowly melts into your swivel chair?

Or outside, where your skin literally melts off in the summer heat?

Hard to say.

But here’s what I know—

whether you’re inside or outside,

someone’s always gonna ask you to “circle back on that.”

And honestly, isn’t that the real job we all have?

Circling back…

until we all fall over.