In The Dark

My tears fell into the darkness of my mind,

My internal thoughts were never kind,

My words, locked behind jail bars,

Because you dismissed my feelings

of horror and disgust with myself,

And you wouldn't listen to my truth,

I was left screaming in the night,

Sick with every touch,

Every breath on my face,

And,

Every pain in my body,

I tried to tell you what he did,

But you dismissed my every word;

I was a child,

I felt like a whore,

Having my innocence ripped from me at a young age,

While you pushed me back into the dark,

dismissing every word I said,

I was supposed to be your daughter,

Though I never felt like that,

And it wasn't just this that broke

our bond,

Yes;

As if that wasn't enough pain I had to endure,

You married her,

The woman who took your 'little star' away from you,

with claims that she couldn't cope with me,

The one you had an affair with,

Breaking my heart and my Mother's heart;

You made me feel less than the 'bitch of a child,'

I had already been made out to be,

You made me feel like he made me feel,

Used goods;

A child who was only ever good enough for you

If she sat in silence and never said a bad word against anybody,

Son of a bitch!

You were supposed to love me,

protect me from harm,

And instead,

You abused my emotions,

Treated me like

a piece of shit on a rubbish heap;

Oh yeah!

I was your little star again as long as I kept

my mouth shut,

But where did that get me arsehole!

Why should I be the one made to suffer;

To sit in the dark in tears,

Because you wouldn't believe me when I

told you I was being abused,

Because she wanted me to be the good girl

who would comply,

"Good girls get good things,"

You told me,

I have something to say about that;

Good girls don't always get good things,

They get treated like a piece of shit,

Thrown in the rubbish dump to rot,

It's been over twenty years since we spoke,

During those twenty years,

You have never been there for your 'little

star,'

You know,

Your daughter,

The one who was broken, treated like a sex toy, and a punchbag by everyone who ever claimed to love her,

Because Daddy taught her that it wasn't ok to speak the fucking truth,

It's shit dad, It's shit!

To you, I'm just a loser,

Well, I'll tell you what;

The loser is the one who let me go,

The one who didn't have the stamina to listen

to my truth,

The one who behaved like an idiot,

Disowned me,

Whilst protecting his abusive family member,

Instead of protecting his daughter,

I have stayed in the dark too long,

YOU

Don't believe me

My words are fucking true Dad,

I'm not sorry for saying goodbye.