In a dark room here with you

tonight,

it is uncharacteristically quiet.

I see the moon outside of our bedroom window, and it’s winking at me as I watch her,

It feels like she’s watching me watch her.

Our room is dark, damp

And cool.

I feel you beside me.

You are asleep.

The snow settles on the street outside,

And a dog is rustling around the Dumpster, trying to find a scrap to eat.

Lying here, awake, in our quiet dark room,

It feels so good to be alive.

To be so keenly aware of every sense and feel each moment go by— how warm you feel beside me,

How cold it is outside,

And how much it terrifies me to be able to comprehend the underlying terror of existence—-I feel overwhelmed with a sense of my mortality.

How each snowflake that falls now will eventually melt and escape our atmosphere again, and how that dog outside probably only has less than ten years before he passes.

How long do I have?

How long do you have?

I want to give you my best years and let you see the sun rise and set, to see more snow and rain and summers and falls and beautiful days and sad days,

I want to give it to you.

We are here, in this single dark room,

And I know everything is okay,

But sitting here, I feel so scared.

Scared for humanity, scared for our future.

Murder, death, war.

Starvation, pain, fear.

Genocide, invasions, political games that costs millions of lives.

I know that in the morning, the sun will be here,

And at night, so will the moon,

And my darling, you also will be here next to me, asleep and peaceful.

But I wonder why in such a strange way,

Each moment that tugs by, and sinks into my mortal coil,

Feels so empty

Feels like it’s all going to end.

Why does it feel like that?

Why does it feel like it’s the end of the world

everyday?

And the worst part about that feeling is,

It isn’t true,

Because life keeps on going, no matter how much horror lies within it’s borders, seams and catacombs,

No matter how much pain the world is in, cracked and patched up like a poorly constructed fifth grade science project you did last minute with your dad.

But, here we are.

Finally.

You and I.

Me and you.

Your hair is so long and beautiful and soft, I kiss it goodnight,

You shuffle and smile in your sleep, and move close to me.

Our bodies intertwine,

And match up with a perfect fit,

Like we were created to fit together this way.

You kiss me too, and I start to fall asleep.