Imaginary Ghosts. Imaginary Implosions.

the thunder was so loud at one point it boomed like the explosions inside of my head Violent, painful, searing, inevitable, altogether imaginary. Imagine running running running for days on end No Sleep only rests inbetween madness. You thought you saw a ghost, but you were also that spirit haunting the house. Darkness, wet footprints leading to the basement, cabinet doors gaping open and drawers of silverware left to hang at an angle over the kitchen floor. Silence, but in your head gas leaks and then the water leaping out of the shower head, the bathroom faucet vomiting into the tub and your clothes wet from the scalding water pummeling your back. still clothed and then Outside, nighttime running with wings Arms outstretched, beating against the ground trying trying trying always to gain altitude; to gain flight but running out of room within your lungs Strides shortening and then your breath punching out of your body in heaves, relatively stilled and panting under the one dim streetlamp holding back the dark. But it can't be held back within you

days and days without shut-eye the pinned quality of your pupils against the widest whites You pull the dead woman by her arms from the bathtub and put yours around her, ease her outside to meet the afterlife (she was a previous suicide, not your own murder) You've known her name, receive her mail, looked her up on Facebook once, Sarah A. but she didn't want to go by that anymore her family was anti her I dont know if she was even a She

It doesn't matter now I'm protective of this dead woman this dead person and I am Mad myself and wandering the house without her ghost

and i am sick, and i am wired, and i am about to die

i touch something electrical with my wet hands and am fused, for a moment to the panel, but it is not enough and i relax. but the twinkle of hallucinated stars from electrocution, not madness (this time) . I am dazed I am alive. I am psychotic and i will remain that way, Flashing back to these fractured moments in a thunderstorm, shielded by this psych hospital's sure roof; safer in solitary confinement, than within my own mind.