I’m Sad

I’m sad. I don’t know why, it happens sometimes. My head just focuses on the bad and none of the good, I just wish it would stop.

When I feel like this all I want to do is sit there and stare at the ceiling.

I don’t move, I have no reason too.

I don’t eat, even if I’m hungry I don’t feel like it.

I don’t talk, I have nothing worth while to say.

I don’t do anything because I lack the motivation to even take care of myself.

I don’t like talking about it, I feel bad for getting help because others have it worse.

I don’t deserve the support I’m getting, I’m a burden on my family and friends.

I know that other people don’t feel this way about me but it’s what comes into my head everytime I close my eyes. I can’t sleep.

I’ve had people say I should go on medication to ‘be more positive’ but I’ve seen the dependence that comes from them first hand and how badly they can effect people, especially when you are first getting used to the dosage.

I want to try every other option before that, if it comes to it I will but I hope it doesn’t.

I need to like myself more not mask it with drugs, my insecurities will still be there when they fade, my fears will still be prominent when they are gone. I want to get better so I can write and draw to my hearts content without feeling horrible about what I do. I want to be able to make more friends and talk to other artists and writers about my work.

I’m sad, I don’t always know why.

Dion Duckworth