If only.

I think about everything that's happened on this Earth, and see that everyone around me is free not everyone like me has a choice to do so or has the will.

I struggle the most with my personality and who I was or was meant to be making up rules for my body cause of fear and erosion. The power hidden in my mind, the fear cutting me in my sleep, and the two lineages of emotions that are growing in my head.

Screaming. As I cover myself head to toe with a teal-colored brush I can't help but cry because my heart is falling into misery cause it can't understand the mystery im putting it into.

I always keep in and never seem to want to be myself, doing the unthinkable and asking for help. How can I identify who I was meant to be? Asking myself every day to just be me. I've trapped myself in a large metal cage hoping that one day I'll let myself out so that I could scream and shout.

Rage. I want to punch, cry, and dream of a place that I can be free but how can I bear this life when all of it is a bunch of lies, lies only God can see that man failed to let free. The kind of lies that hurt you the most. The kind of lies you can never let go of.

I can see the future and what it can hold but my only hope is to try and let go. It's so hard to do that when everything you know is to just pretend never to hear your lies in the end.

I'm not sure who I was meant to be I'm not a doll, im not a girly girl that you can take advantage of, and im not going to do what you say. Although, at the end of the day I think Im here for something and I have good to thank for the life he gifted me and for guiding me to glory.

I'm a hypocrite for not doing something and then end up not doing it at all, I'm a liar for not telling the truth about everything and now im not who called wolf, I'm pure for never giving up and having hope in others and myself, and ism strong for doing the unexplainable.

Two parts of me swimming in the sea creating memories. No matter what I see, what I dream to be, or what I do I'll always choose to help others in need so that you and many more can be happy.

I've been through so many horrors, happiness shrinks but thanks to the ones who love me it makes it a little harder to cry, so I won't take anything for granted as I rest my mind and cry in the lonely night looking at the stars and how I came so far.

Soon I'll leave my pain behind and laugh with my online friends who I'd get to see in real life soon, meeting new people and being me

If only I was free.