If Only.

If only I had listened,

I could be so beautiful.

I could fit in, instead of always sticking out.

I have always been a little too much.

A little too fat.

A little too thin.

Hair a little too wavy and a little too dark.

My smile.

Oh, this smile that has me being remembered for all of the worst reasons.

This smile that sits just a little too crooked.

Always a little too sad, knowing that it can never be all that it wants.

The smile that I have always done my best to hide.

But, it is never enough.

I am never enough.

Yet, I am always too much

And tell me,

How does that even make sense?

Too much of something, good or bad, I am always just too much.

But never in the ways I have ever needed to be enough.

I have always had everything I ever needed to be enough.

And yet, I am always coming up empty-handed.

I’m all pocket change and paper clips

When I should be holding diamonds.

If only I had listened to the one person who actually matters.

I could be so beautiful.

If only I had known this entire time that all of the love I had ever needed was already inside of me.

If only I had known.

If only.

If only.

If only.

Maybe I wouldn’t be so goddamn lonely.

I could be so beautiful.

If only.