If I Were To Lose You Tomorrow

If I were to lose you tomorrow,

Would our love still burn, brighter than the flicker of candlelight?

The answer is yes, because forever still exists in the spirit world,

How would I go on if you weren't here to shed the tears, struggles and fears?

One can't help but wonder, but as we grow older, the love grows with us;

If I were to lose you tomorrow;

What would my life be?

It doesn't bear thinking about,

There is no time for misery,

There is only one lifetime to fill our lives with the deepest love,

To see and hear the joys of the world together,

And smile, as we fill our lives together with forever love;

In all this fear,

One remembers that life is too short to worry about what tomorrow

might bring,

So, rather than ask 'If I lose you tomorrow,

We must strive to keep our never-ending connection alive,

Deepen the love we have,

And cherish every second of our days and nights together;

Life can be beautiful,

Though it can pass by in the blink of an eye,

Death is sad,

And the grief is like a black hole sinking into a watery grave,

Though there may be darkness,

If I ever became a widow;

I will cherish our love forever,

Hold your spirit deep in my heart,

Allow the bright flame to burn higher through the tears,

Because;

If I lose you tomorrow,

I will cherish the importance of our love every day.

Since I became a registered carer for my husband. There are many questions inside my head, such as this one, which is my biggest fear.

I wake up silently, thinking the unthinkable.

My husband had cancer as a very young child, and he very nearly didn't survive that operation.

The operation left him with minor disabilities that weakened his immune system, though he was able to push through and work as a nurse for 31 years, doing what he loved best.

Caring for others.

He was very ill in 2022, when he was struck by Covid 19

This was a very horrible moment in my life, and I was terrified of losing him.

I would have lost him if the staff at the hospital hadn't been able to get fluid in him, stop his veins from collapsing, and get his heart rate more stable.

When my husband came home that fateful day, I cried like I had never cried before.

I expected disabilities, but I never expected to see my husband so fragile and in so much pain that he couldn't walk.

Today, he strives to live his life, even though he is limited in movement, and often can not remember things we talk about. He suffers pain day and night.

It does not go away, even on medication.

He suffers from regular tremors, and another hospital scare led me to write this poem.

A few weeks back, I had another scare in which I thought I was going to lose him.

He had been doing light activities that day; reading, writing and keeping the grandkids entertained.

However, just those little things, plus his medication, had failed him, leading to more problems.

My husband had woken from a peaceful sleep; he managed to get to the bedroom door when he suddenly went dizzy and passed out.

He went down fast, and I was unable to catch him.

I had to try and wake him, but it was difficult because he went into a state of concussion.

I thought I had lost him.

He did wake up, after several minutes of me frantically calling his name, but he could not remember my name amongst many other things. I called the emergency services, and he went into the hospital for a few days.

It isn't the first time I have dealt with situations like this. I have to wake him up from sleep, because if he has a nightmare, or lies down in a certain way, it can stop him from breathing.

He also has Arrhythmia.

This means he has an irregular heartbeat, and it is worse at night than it is during the day, because he can sometimes have palpitations.

I hate thinking about death, and my husband hates it too, but expressing my thoughts in writing makes it a little easier for me to cope with and accept.

When I express the things I can't say out loud, it releases the pressure and enables me to make life more comfortable, and no; I am not expecting my husband to die soon, but given the fact that alot of deaths of people I love and admire have happened recently, I need an outlet for my fear, so I wrote the above.

I love my husband, and I can't handle the thought of death yet. It is horrible to think about, but these things do happen, and as much as we both live life to the full, we know that it can come suddenly because of the state of things.

The poem helps me to cope, even though as my husband says,

" We have a lot of years together before anything like that happens."

I hold these words, but these kinds of disabilities have their ups and downs, and I'd rather go with an open mind, rather than not being allowed to think about it.

My poem may seem morbid to some, but for me, it is a source of comfort, a safe space, where I can be open about my fears.