If I Died

Trigger Warning: This poem includes metaphorical language of death. If you or a loved one have thoughts about suicide or self-harm, here are resources for you to reach out to get help.

988lifeline.org or text HELLO to 741741

You are not alone <3

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If I died, the world would still go round, people I love would still live their lives, and nothing will change.

Just me not being there.

If I died, my siblings would no longer have the nagging voice in their ear telling them about the day and what's going on in the world.

If I died, my name would never have existed,

just the memory of it.

If I died, there would be tears of happiness and sadness.

The tears would fill up the cup that is the heart of mine that had been too empty, but too late.

If I died, every unwritten word would lose its meaning,

every written word would remain the tombstone.

If I died, the unspoken, unbearable pain would cease to exist,

freedom.

If I died, so would every secret that has haunted my dreams at night,

the torture would finally be over.

If I died, whoever the stars intended for me to be with, their soulmate will be gone forever.

The love that should have been, gone.

The love that was, gone.

The love that will be, gone...

If I died, everything would change.

I hate change.

Part of me is already dead.

They will never come back.

And so, the part of me that lives shall try to survive the storm,

because knowing what I know,

not everyone would be able to bear the thought,

if I died.