If he loved me

If he loved me, he would never have begged me to stay, knowing the hurt he would cause when he inevitably left.

If he loved me, he would never have begged me to stay, every time my intuition saw what was to come and I questioned our future.

If he loved me, he would never have told me I was number one, when there was someone out there already filling that spot.

If he loved me he wouldn’t have lied. He would have told me the truth of where things really stood, so I could make an informed decision, so that when I chose to stay, as I’m certain I would have, the shock of his leaving would not have been so great.

If he loved me, he would never have spent so much time convincing me my fears were unfounded, only to make them come true, the moment things didn’t go his way.

If he loved me…

But I know he loved me.

I felt it in every kiss, in every touch. I saw it in his gaze, in his smile, in the way his face lit up every time we met. I heard it in his voice every time we spoke, in his tone, in the words he used. It was in the messages he sent, the songs and images he shared, the way he reached out, making time for me, making sure I felt extra special, loved, adored…

He did love me.

But love, as it turns out, is not as strong as fear.

He could not be parted from me…

Until he could.