I Wanted You *Trigger Warning*
A Poem of Absolute Regret (Abortion)
I Wanted You
I wanted to keep you
I hope you know that
From the day I found out until the day he convinced me I was wrong
I wanted to keep you
He was so persuasive
He made me believe it was the only way
I was too young
I wasn’t ready
I would make an awful mother
Looking back, I can’t believe I believed him
His words were hollow
Statements of a man desperate to retain some inch of his freedom
He didn’t love me
He was burdened by me
By my insecurities
My inability to think for myself
He exploited those things
Used them as a means to end your life
Every word and insult made me believe there was only one way
He wouldn’t love you
You would grow up knowing hate
Abuse
Fear
He would have never left us alone with his blood coursing through your veins
So I let him take me to the clinic
The protestors weren’t out that day
Sometimes I wish they had been
Maybe they would have changed my mind
I doubt it
The sore spot on my cheek from his bony knuckles still hurt
No bruises left but the emotional scar of angering someone you thought you loved was there
He stayed with me until they called my name
The paperwork was signed
The money from my second job was handed over
The deal with the devil done
I felt empty even before they laid me on that cold bed
The ultrasound showed them you were there
But they didn’t show me
Maybe they thought if I saw your little body I would bolt
If I knew what I was giving up I would scream for my money back
Along with my dignity
But no
All I got was a cold number
“Ten weeks”
Too young to die
The medicine they gave me put me to sleep right away
Maybe it was stress
The nightmares were vivid and horrible
Drowning in a thick black sea
When they finally shook me awake and gave me my clothes it was done
The empty feeling became a chasm inside me
One I knew may never be filled
Always empty
Always alone
They would call me a baby killer if they knew
They would spit in my face and tell me I deserve to die too
They would tell me I will burn in hell for what I have done
Maybe I am
Maybe I do
And maybe I will
There has been no end to the grief I feel for you
Maybe there never will be
Even when my other children came into the world I felt the emptiness
The guilt
You deserved a chance
I wanted you
Even though the world may never believe me
I wanted you…
About the Creator
Abigail Adams -The Mad Cow Mob Boss
I have been a writer since I was able to form sentences. I find passion in writing fiction and positive special interest pieces about extra special people! My love of writing keeps me going, but the love of my children keeps me alive!
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Comments (1)
Oh! A heartfelt one.