I stand

I stand within an iron fortress

with neither way back nor way forward.

I cannot remain, and I cannot flee.

Beyond the fortress, the sun stretches out a hand to me,

but I have not fled from the darkness enough

to take refuge in its embrace,

nor am I so weary of the sun

that I could reconcile with its opposite.

Within this iron fortress,

I cannot seek shelter in myself,

for seeking refuge in the fortress

is safer than seeking refuge in me.

Yet I can rely on neither myself nor the fortress,

neither on the false hatreds of the self

nor the false affections of the iron walls.

I stand here,

amid the fortress,

surrounded by contradictions, doubts, and uncertainties.

I stand here,

exhausted and defeated.

Leaving the fortress offers no safety,

and staying within offers none either.

I stand.