I spend a lot of time by myself

I spend a l to of time by myself

Hoping, wishing, wondering

Looking outside my window watching time pass me by

Rocking in my chair as musical sounds float in the air for my ears to catch

Thinking about my choices of my past so I can choose now what to do next

I spend a lot of time by myself

Sometimes it is by choice

But most times I feel forced to stay in my little corner

I have no problem being here

I just want it to be of my own accord

Growing up very few people become permanent fixtures in my life

There is always an operating revolving door

And there is nothing I can do to make them stay

I can’t say it doesn’t hurt

It makes me sad

But I have already used all my tears on myself

I spend a lot of time by myself

People watching

Talking mess

Judging people like this world is an impromptu stage inside a Walmart Supercenter

Asking God how they have the confidence to look the way they looking doing what they are doing

Listen, I have no right to judge but I am human

I have done my fair share of stupidity although most has gone unseen

I commend those that have gone out into this world and said “This is me.”

I spend a lot of time by myself

Talking to myself

Talking to God

Walking with Jesus in my head hand in hand into the sunlight

Imagining what the heavenly gates look like

And questioning whether I will be able to follow my family into the sky

I am not the best saint

But I am not the worst sinner either

I spend a lot of time by myself

Testing my intelligence

Flowing through my emotions created by the sensations of logic

Dying to know what true love feels like while waiting for God to give me a sign

Aspiring to have what those around me got

Searching for the formula in whatever books I find

I spend a lot of time by myself

Looking at my reflection without a mirror

In the dark without light

In a room without space

Giving a voice to me, myself, and I

Making conversations consisting of delusions and replayed interactions

See, all people had to do was follow the script

Now I’m stuck wondering who this voice in my head is

My conscience

The Holy Ghost

Or me

I spend a lot of time by myself

Writing

Drawing

Exposing my thought process to the world

Creating

Dreaming

Acting out the world in mind

Dancing and singing in my room behind closed doors because I can only do it when no one is watching

Closing myself off from the noise I don’t want invading me

I spend a lot of time by myself

If you couldn’t tell

I am always open to my own mental exploration

So I sit alone

In my room

At my desk

Taking that time to write this poem and say

I spend a lot of time by myself