I never told her I love her

Everything began when I was 22, and she was 17. She joined my church, and we connected instantly. Our friendship quickly blossomed, and within six months, I found myself falling in love with her. She became someone I deeply cared for, someone who was always on my mind, and my feelings only grew stronger over time.

I've always struggled to recognize when a girl likes me, and this situation was no different. My brother and friends kept telling me she was interested in me and encouraged me to make a move, but I never believed them. Looking back, I realize they were right. To me, she seemed too perfect, like a star too far out of reach.

As time passed, we gradually lost contact until we no longer spoke at all. Despite this, I never stopped thinking about her. About a year and a half later, her dad contacted me, asking if I could DJ at a family event. I eagerly accepted and even offered a big discount, excited at the prospect of seeing her again. I did see her at the event, but she was wearing a beautiful white wedding dress. That day, my heart shattered into a million pieces, and I've never been the same since.

Apparently, she had met someone on a trip and ended up marrying him. My friends told me she did it out of a broken heart, but I don't know how true that is. Regardless, most people seem to agree. Eventually, the guy abandoned her after getting her pregnant.

Life went on, and I dated a few girls before falling in love and marrying one of them. Now, at 36, I'm married to a good woman whom I would never hurt or leave. But recently, I've realized that I never forgot my first crush and that my love for her never faded.

Now, I'm confused because acknowledging my enduring love for her feels like my heart is slowly healing and I'm reconnecting with my old self. For years, I haven't recognized myself; I've lost my passions and much of my joy.

I've recently tried to contact her to finally tell her how I've always felt, but she seems to have vanished. Her social media accounts are abandoned, and we have no mutual acquaintances. I'm hoping that telling her everything will help me close this chapter that has held me back for the last 14 years, but I'm running out of options.