I'm paralyzed by your love

Atonement is available for pre-order and will be released tomorrow on JMS Books, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc!

——

I almost spit out the fire that built these words. I almost destroyed all evidence of this strange study in Grammer and syntax.

I’m sorry, the right reasons to get over you aren't here inside of me. I'm sorry,

The first thing I learned was that getting up when I fall, is that I was meant to stay on the ground.

I'm riddled by the way you season my days with life yet I'm exhausted. I am tired of the sprain that lends my spirit to sieve your joy like a bending stream.

I wished we had met at a cafe as you whispered like a purring kitten that I felt against my cheek, “I long for attachment. I long to get involved without fear. I long for that reason to feel truly alive.”

I wished you were a baker and I was a passerby. I imagined us in a dream as different people kissing for the first time as I felt the warm, crackly bread you took out of the fire.

Yes, I murdered her. In the pain I created, I'm paralyzed by your love. My mind creates a puzzle that spins, making everything around me go on fast-forward as I feel slowed down.

We dance in the death of my stupid dreams that turned into someone’s nightmare. I slowly find myself drowning in a fearful rendition of, “Don’t Speak,”

Mama breaking down the rules of reality putting it on the highest level of sound, it tore through my very fabric
Of real
I'm
Paralyzed by
Your life
Your love
Your forgiveness

Never in my life did I deserve to get up from that first fall, never had I found the lost fibers of real

I think therefore I am, someone smarter than I once said

I feel like the dark Odette from Swan Lake

Dancing eternally to the drowned-out sound barrier
To die over and over
My exhaustion has no Pity
It needs no sorry

However, I must pay for more than that

The author of my story bleeding my words as I drown you in my head

Are you going to stay as I pull you under?

No

I won't be one that creates more death

I love that touch of color you found inside of me,

I move out of my paralyzed state

To make your colors find a better home without my drowned canvas

I'm sorry that any amount of stress in my words to you won't make her come back, that's why I'm not sorry to pay for my actions

Paralyzed to get into your heart once I found our new home, but I know you'll get rid of the shades of dark shadow

And a new, cool, gentle song that was once my fearful reality

Will belt out a perfect, real, new beat.