I’m just a mouth for now

Once again I lay weeping on my bedroom floor

The smell of vomit still tickling my nose

I look at the back of my hand, two of my knuckles have worn skin

My breath has become embarrassing, I can brush as much as I want but it lingers

My asauphagus doesn’t burn anymore, I could pour boiling water down my throat and not feel a thing

I can still remember the first time it happened, 12 years old

Had gotten out of a cold swimming pool after swim practice and try as I might I just happened to catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror

I was fast for my age but so what, that meat made me so insecure that I couldn’t even perform my best at swim meets

I cried alone for a while in my room, after an hour of studying over every inch of extra skin I had, grabbing and tugging at it, wishing I could just pull it off

It there wasn’t so much pain involved I would have taken simple kitchen scissors and done the plastic surgery myself

Are 12 year olds supposed to think that way?

I will never know, but this was my experience the first time I shoved two fingers right up against my gag button, just two seconds on google and I was off to the races

It felt so good, I could eat, drink, or even inhale alll the food I wanted, even get the high from drowning my feelings in all the Oreos in a package

I could go into a whole other reality where I was only a mouth and a hand, no problems but where was that next bite

Then when I had finally gotten that nauseated feeling, my stomach uncomfortably distended I would return, ME and I wanted it gone as it didn’t feel good

And it was no problem I got the high and now I get rid of the poison, no harm no foul

Right?