I Long for You

I long to feel your touch—but not just any touch. The touch in which your hand touches places that no other man is allowed to touch. My most vulnerable places. Your hand slowly moving up or down my body as you trace my figure like it’s a map and you’re trying to find your way home. I want to feel whole again. Nothing makes sense unless i'm with you, and even when i wasn’t with you, and i had forgotten what your middle name is or the size shirt that you wore, nothing in this world made sense. There was a piece of my heart that no matter who i tried to fill that void with, or what i tried to stuff in, nothing fit. Liquor only made the ache worse, weed made me smile for a little, but then i went right back. It took me so long to find what i was looking for. All i had to do was see a picture of you, and a thousand memories flooded my mind like waves from the ocean during a storm. Hectic, and you could drown if you couldn’t find a way to the surface for a breath of air. I couldn’t live with all these memories and not know you. When i found you, i felt like my heart sank into the pit of my stomach. I felt despair, disappointment—not in you, but in myself. The feeling of betrayal flooded my mind and i instantly felt sick to my stomach even though, i knew what was going to happen, you would hate me, and that would be the end of it. I heard your voice for the first time in over four months, maybe even longer. I wanted to tell you then that i knew that i loved you, and that, i was so terribly sorry. That i longed to be held in your arms until the sun came up. To lay beside you, and feel your hand grab my hip and turn me, pulling me into your warm chest. I always loved your body heat more than anything. I used to hear you talk in your sleep, and you snore sometimes like you're a chainsaw but, i always found it so cute. Sliding myself under you when you aren’t holding me. There’s nothing in this world that i love more. I long to be with you forever—not some romantic lovey-dovey storylines or poetry. I mean wanting to kill each other for not doing something we were asked. The nights that we sleep back to back because we’re just done arguing. The financial troubles when we decide to get a place together and have to learn how to budget. I'm going to want the house to look more girly and of course you’re going to hate that. But, we’ll compromise and you’ll let me win at least half of the argument. Cooking dinner for you, and making sure you had a good day. TV show marathons because we both know you love a certain show, as do i. I want lazy days where all i do is stay in your shirt and drive you crazy by constantly wanting to be on top of you. Fancy dates where we both have a nice time and maybe drink a little too much wine at dinner, and laugh for the rest of the night. Kids running around the house and us finding a way to show them just how much their loved without ever losing the love we have for one another. Good times and bad times, i long to be with you. Forever and always. My heart belongs to you.