I Hate You

A whore,

A slag,

Filthy,

Dirty,

That's how you both left me feeling when you touched me in front

of my children,

Alone,

Terrified,

Embarrassed,

Scared,

Ashamed,

This is how I felt for the rest of my life,

The question is why?

You used to be someone I loved,

I would have given my whole heart and world to you,

And I spent most of my life searching for you though I regret that now,

You walked in with him;

Did those filthy, dirty things to me on that couch with him,

In front of my children,

Was it my fault?

I never consented,

Never asked for you to make me feel like the dirty whore

I have felt like since that day,

I was twenty years old back then,

Vulnerable,

With two young children,

Already going through enough;

You were supposed to be my friend,

And you were someone I fucking loved deeply,

But how do you expect anyone to love you when you do

those things to the people you claim to love?

Did you give a thought about how my children felt seeing their Mother

being treated like that?

The truth is,

You're the dirty one,

The piece of shit who sucks the life out of good people,

And you blame your behavior on your problems,

making no damn effort to change it,

Unknown to you;

I'd been in love with you since I was in high school,

But, I'm not now,

I could never stay in love with a rapist,

That is exactly what you and your so-called boyfriend are,

The worst off is,

You enjoy doing those things,

"Oh, it's just a bit of fun. I won't hurt you,"

You tell your victims,

The truth is,

It does hurt;

It steals their pride,

body confidence, self-esteem, and dignity,

It takes away their souls and makes them hate themselves for the rest of their lives,

But no!

You don't give a fuck about that, do you?

You don't care about your victim's tears or disgust at their bodies,

You couldn't give a shit about the lady who cries, shaking while throwing up in the corner,

Or how terrified the children must feel, or even how much emotional damage and mental torment that it causes the parent, not just because of what you did, but because her children just witnessed your horrifying behavior and she can't fucking explain it,

You have no regard for the feelings of others,

The only time you fucking feel anything is when you have made another person feel like the slut they are not, just so you could rid yourself of your dirty feelings rather than facing up to them,

You're a total smash-brain,

There is no hope for you,

And, the truth is;

You may have got away with the prison sentence that you deserve,

But you'll rot in hell for what you did;

And no!

I will not hate myself for my words,

I stopped blaming myself for your actions.