I Feel Like I Don't Exist Anymore
New Motherhood
I feel like I don't exist anymore.
This realization comes to me in a quiet darkened room when I should be sleeping, not thinking.
I miss the man that will come lay next to me. I miss him even though he is only feet away, right next to me.
I miss the baby that is crying for me, even as I desperately hope that he goes back to sleep so I don't have to get out of bed.
I miss myself.
In the shadows of the room, I see relics of my life. I see things I used to touch, use, that would bring me joy. They are dusty now because the person that used them is gone.
I had hopes and dreams and desired to do things, anything. Now, I am gone and am only him.
The best, most magical love. The most all consuming love. I am whatever he needs, not myself.
I lay down and whisper that I love him. And I pray pray pray to the gods and stars that he sleeps, that I sleep, and that I have it in me to find myself again one day.
About the Creator
Diana
I fancy myself a writer.
Reader insights
Nice work
Very well written. Keep up the good work!
Top insight
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
The steps to losing a child
Step One: Lose a child. Not what anyone wants to happen and nothing you can do to change it, but you can go through steps to becoming happy again. You can go through steps to loving again. You can go through steps to become a new you because after losing a child you will never be the same person you once were.
By Tabitha Hinkley4 days ago in Fiction
Comments (8)
Very relatable abd emotional for me. I felt every word down to my soul. I pray you sleep tonight. Les
Brilliant & Mind Blowing Your Poet ❤️ Please Read My Stories and Subscribe Me
Ah, you are there, still. Just changed. Into the Queen Bee. Metaphorsed into a beautiful new you.
I have been a new father, but I know it's a completely different experience for a new mother. This was sad, yet, honest, and with hope. It's a confusing time, isn't it? As far as I can tell, anyway, because the you you were before children is forever changed and replaced by a new you that feels alien in some ways, yet that's the way it should be. Hope you find a way to reconnect with the old you and merge that with the new you. Sorry for the overly long comment. Loved your introspective poem and sure a lot of people will find it relatable. Congrats on Top Story. You have a new subscriber.
Dazzling job! Keep up the outstanding work—congrats!
I can imagine these thoughts and feelings being a part of new motherhood. Very emotive and poignant! Well done and congratulations!
Being a new mom is so hard in so many ways. You encapsulated it beautifully here. May I offer this…not only will you find yourself again, you yourself will be birthed anew into a version of you that you never knew was possible. For a short blip of time taking care of a baby is all consuming and you and your baby are not separate, you are one. But slowly and oh so quickly, that changes. I’m here if you need to chat. I remember it like it was yesterday. Mine are 10 and 3. Best advice I got as a new mom: make sure you do little things to fill your own cup—you cannot serve from an empty vessel. Sending love! 💫💞
This was so poignant and emotional. Hope you're okay. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️